**These thoughts were originally shared in my newsletter after hearing from many of you walking through pain, healing, and the process of trusting again. I hope it offers balance, hope, and truth as you navigate your own story.

When Words Land at the Right Time

Recently, quite a few of you who read this newsletter reached out to express gratitude for a message I sent a few weeks ago—saying it was just what you needed in that season of your lives.

First, I want to say how much I cherished those messages. Truly.

One message in particular stood out. The person shared how thankful they were for the balanced views offered when abuse or betrayal has happened. Those words echoed in my mind this morning as I was reading a devotional.

What Shapes Our View of Jesus

The devotional mentioned how easy it can be to get out of balance when thinking about the heart of Jesus. How we often choose to view Him through the lens of our own story.

Our early attachments, traumas, and woundings can really effect how we view God.

If we grew up in a home with overly enforced restrictions, stifling religion, or stringent punishment that left us feeling we were never good enough, we may develop a view of Jesus as only merciful, kind, and loving—because that’s what was missing in our story. And He is all of those things.

But if we grew up in a chaotic home with no rules or safe boundaries, where anything went with no oversight, we might instead crave the structure—the commandments, moral clarity, and directives of Christ—perhaps even more than His mercy and grace. And those things are important, too.

Or, let’s say we were abused or deeply emotionally neglected. Then we might long for the ultimate justice Jesus speaks of against those who’ve done us harm. When you haven’t experienced protection before, it’s natural to long for a Savior who protects. And He does.

All of these longings are valid—and they’re reflected in the character of Christ.

The Heart of Christ, in His Own Words

But here’s something I find deeply meaningful: Christ tells us directly the nature of His heart. We don’t have to guess.

He says, “I am gentle and lowly in heart…” (Matthew 11:29). There it is.

And in the Bible, the word “heart” means so much more than our physical beating heart. It means the very essence of who we are—what motivates us and defines us.

We don’t have to wonder what kind of character Christ had.

He came and ministered to the lowly. He touched the unclean. He never recoiled from the outcasts of society. He moved toward humanity in our filthy, fallen state—not away.

And He still does—every day.

A Hardened Heart Isn’t the Answer

Coming out of trauma, abuse, betrayal—or even deep grief and pain—can tempt us to harden our hearts. To steel them against a world that feels untrustworthy. A world that clearly doesn’t have our best interest at its “heart.”

But here’s the thing.

Just before Jesus tells us about His heart in Matthew 11:29, He says this: “…learn of me.”

Jesus wants us not only to have a right understanding of who He is—but also of who we are.

If we are His followers, He doesn’t want pain and heartache to stiffen ourselves against loving others—or trusting (safe) people. He doesn’t want us walking around behind “fortified walls,” afraid to let others in for fear of being wounded again.

Because when we live that way, we often grieve love and kindness to the point that it becomes difficult to fully experience His infinite love too.

Biblical Balance in Our Healing

That’s why, when I approach the topic of how we heal—as Christians—from deep, unfair wounds, I always want to do so in a biblically balanced way.

Not a “forgive and forget, and all is well” without accountability approach (which is unfortunately common in some church settings).

And not in a “harden your heart and cut everyone off so you’ll never be hurt again” mentality either (which is often modeled in the world).

Because both extremes can feel protective in the moment, but neither leads to true freedom or connection.

Disproportionately Loving: Our Example in Christ

Jesus was a person of balance in many ways. But if we’re honest, based on His own words, He was disproportionately loving in how He interacted with the world around Him.

As hard as it can be at times, we’re called to model His ways—not our own.

And I believe that when we do, we’re able to begin building the healthy, thriving relationships (yes, even with healthy disagreements because we’re still human) that we were designed to experience this side of heaven.

Interested in learning how you can keep your heart soft, and how to navigate trusting others again after being betrayed or wounded? If so, I have a guide that I don’t want you to miss out on. It’s called Rebuilding Trust Wisely, and it walks you through how you can begin to trust again after trauma and abuse, but in wise ways. You can find all the details here.

Darah Ashlie

Darah Ashlie is the President of Restored for Good Ministries, a Trauma and Abuse Recovery Coach, and an avid writer with a heart to share the wisdom God has given her through years of walking alongside women in life’s messiest places. She writes with compassion and clarity from her own healing journey and comes alongside women ready to reclaim their voice, rebuild their lives, and live in the freedom God intended. Connect with her at https://www.youtube.com/@darahashlie or on social media @DarahAshlie.

Learning the Gentle and Lowly Way, Healing from Hurt with the Heart of Jesus