Hooked on Hope: Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back
Have you ever seen a fish stuck on a line, tangled and unable to free itself? I have. It was painful to watch—even if you're not especially fond of fish. Any life fading is hard to witness, because deep down, we know: this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
One day, my son was exploring the lake near my parents’ house and noticed a buoy bobbing strangely in the water. It jerked in small, random movements as if something unseen was tugging on it. Curious, he paddled over, pulled on the line—and found a 3-foot-long catfish, stuck on a hook dangling beneath.
The fish was worn out. Who knows how long he’d been dragging that buoy? My son brought him back to the dock. Together, we carefully removed the hook from his mouth and let him go. He darted away, finally free. And honestly? It was a real joy to watch.
Are You Hooked on Hope?
I share that story because I see that same desperation in many women’s lives—especially women in emotionally or spiritually destructive marriages. They’ve “taken the bait” of hope—and gotten stuck. They are hooked on hope.
Now, let me be clear: hope itself isn’t bad. The Bible tells us to hope in the Lord, to wait on Him, and to hold on to His promises. But it also warns us:
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” – Proverbs 13:12
If you’ve been clinging to the idea that your marriage will change—someday—while year after year nothing improves, then you may be caught in the trap of false hope. Like that catfish, you're not going anywhere, and it’s breaking your heart.
The Key to Change
God's promises are always trustworthy—but they often require our cooperation. God won’t force anyone to love, repent, or change—not even your husband. And this is where many women get stuck: they believe their prayers, patience, or good behavior will be enough to change someone who refuses to take responsibility.
Here’s the truth:
Abuse is a choice.
It’s not caused by childhood wounds, bad moods, or stress. It’s not about you being too much or not enough. It’s a pattern of power and control—and only the person choosing that behavior can choose to stop it.
And no matter how much you pray, you cannot force that change.
The Cycle That Never Ends
Many women live for years on the merry-go-round of manipulation. They research, plead, set up counseling, give ultimatums—hoping that this time it’ll work. But unless the abuser truly wants to change, all the effort in the world won’t matter.
Take “Rachel,” for instance. She spent 14 years married to a man who would alternate between kindness and cruelty. After every outburst—emotional belittling, the silent treatment, explosive anger—he would offer vague apologies: “I’m just stressed,” or “You’re too sensitive.” For years, Rachel held onto the hope that things would change. She read books, went to counseling alone, and doubled down on prayer and submission. But nothing changed—not really.
Eventually, Rachel realized what she was holding onto wasn’t godly hope—it was false hope, rooted in a version of her husband that no longer existed. When she began setting boundaries and stopped enabling the cycle, she found something she hadn’t felt in years: peace.
Your job isn’t to be your husband’s savior. That’s Jesus’s job.
And even Jesus lets people walk away if they choose to.
So what can you do? Start by facing the truth. Pray for a radical commitment to reality, even if that reality isn’t what you want.
Real Hope Starts With Reality
God never intended marriage to be a place where His daughters are demeaned, dismissed, or abused. And He certainly doesn’t ask you to stay in harm’s way to prove your loyalty or spiritual maturity.
Instead, God invites us into truth.
“Come now, let us reason together…” – Isaiah 1:18
If you’re still being harmed, manipulated, or emotionally abandoned, that isn’t a relationship grounded in repentance or restoration. Real change means real, observable differences. It means humility, confession, ownership, long-term work—not words with no action.
If you’re not seeing that, it may be time to release yourself from the false hope that he will change—and to lean into real hope.
Real Hope Isn’t Passive
Real hope empowers. It invites you to ask hard questions and make courageous choices. Maybe that means setting boundaries. Maybe it means separation. Or maybe it simply means stepping out of denial and into truth for the first time.
Hope rooted in Christ doesn’t tether you to a never-ending cycle of pain. It anchors you in love, strength, and dignity—even if the road ahead is hard.
Because the truth is, you can be free.
Not necessarily from the marriage (though that may be necessary), but from the mental, emotional, and spiritual trap that has kept you “hooked.”
It’s Time to Unhook the Line
God created you to be cherished, not crushed.
He did not design marriage as a tool for destruction—but as a reflection of His love.
So today, if you feel the tug of truth pulling at your heart, consider:
Are you still hoping for something that shows no signs of change?
Is your hope bringing life… or making your heart sick?
Is it time to start hoping for something better—with God’s help?
Friend, you are not alone. And you are not powerless.
Ask God to help you see clearly. Ask Him to help you unhook from false hope and begin building your life on real, lasting, life-giving hope.
You don’t need to keep dragging a buoy through the lake, exhausted and hurting.
You can be free. And when you are, like that catfish, you’ll discover just how beautiful freedom really is.
Are you seeking clarity in your marriage, but just unsure where to start?
If so, you can book a clarity call here and take your first step toward peace, freedom, and real hope.
Darah Ashlie
Darah Ashlie is the President of Restored for Good Ministries, a Trauma and Abuse Recovery Coach, and an avid writer with a heart to share the wisdom God has given her through years of walking alongside women in life’s messiest places. She writes with compassion and clarity from her own healing journey and comes alongside women ready to reclaim their voice, rebuild their lives, and live in the freedom God intended. Connect with her at https://www.youtube.com/@darahashlie or on social media @DarahAshlie.